Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
