I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
