How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Randomize
