Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
