i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
