small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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