on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
