so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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