Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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