i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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