I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
