If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
