You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
