The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
