Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
