i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
