I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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