Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
