proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
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