So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
