About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
