He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
