it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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