My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
