It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
