I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
