A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
