it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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