you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
