dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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