she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
this is an emotional support booty call
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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