is your mom at the bar?
I want to stick my p in your. b.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Randomize
