woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
