so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
