Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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