The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
We just shotgunned beers for America
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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