mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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