By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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