her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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