paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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