Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
