I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
