I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
