its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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