Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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