Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
