it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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