Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
People with herpes should wear stickers.
high people should be assigned attendants
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
