Duck Duck Cougar?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
