I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
do herpes really smell.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
