I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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