It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
